Reading : Frequently Asked Tactical Questions + How to build trust ?
Reading this article, and especially the answers to the questions about bluffing and lying, made me think about the game we played during our last session, 'Win As Much As You Can', with the Xs and Ys and points to score.
During this game, there were some times when the scores would be multiplied as a bonus. For this reason, the people I was playing with and I discussed it : we agreed on the fact that we would all play a Y so that we would all get one point, multiplied by 3. However, two of the players did not respect their word and played a X, and they both won 6 points, whereas the players who had put an Y, the other girl and I, lost 6 points each.
After that, when the other players tried to talk us into playing as a team during the bonus rounds, I couldn't trust them, so I didn't answer and didn't say I would do as they agreed on, and did the opposite because I thought they wouldn't really stick to what they said they would do.
I personally trust people quite quickly, because I find it easier to begin with - except if I immediately feel that there is something wrong with them, which happens to all of us sometimes. When my trust is broken, however, its takes a lot to earn it back. That is why I couldn't play the 'team strategy' with the players who had just broken their words, even though it was just a game. That made me wonder about my ability to trust people - and make people trust me - in a negotiation with real stakes.
I did some research about this topic and find several articles that helped me.
The most helpful was 'Six Ways to Build trust in Negotiations' by Deepak Malhotra (https://hbswk.hbs.edu/item/six-ways-to-build-trust-in-negotiations), an assistant professor at Harvard Business School. He lists several points that are important to that purpose :
During this game, there were some times when the scores would be multiplied as a bonus. For this reason, the people I was playing with and I discussed it : we agreed on the fact that we would all play a Y so that we would all get one point, multiplied by 3. However, two of the players did not respect their word and played a X, and they both won 6 points, whereas the players who had put an Y, the other girl and I, lost 6 points each.
After that, when the other players tried to talk us into playing as a team during the bonus rounds, I couldn't trust them, so I didn't answer and didn't say I would do as they agreed on, and did the opposite because I thought they wouldn't really stick to what they said they would do.
I personally trust people quite quickly, because I find it easier to begin with - except if I immediately feel that there is something wrong with them, which happens to all of us sometimes. When my trust is broken, however, its takes a lot to earn it back. That is why I couldn't play the 'team strategy' with the players who had just broken their words, even though it was just a game. That made me wonder about my ability to trust people - and make people trust me - in a negotiation with real stakes.
I did some research about this topic and find several articles that helped me.
The most helpful was 'Six Ways to Build trust in Negotiations' by Deepak Malhotra (https://hbswk.hbs.edu/item/six-ways-to-build-trust-in-negotiations), an assistant professor at Harvard Business School. He lists several points that are important to that purpose :
- speaking your 'opponent's' language in order to show them you are as qualified as they are, you take them seriously, and to be taken seriously
- managing your reputation to make sure the people you're facing haven't heard anything that could make them think less of you
- making dependence a factor by highlighting the unique benefits you can provide and by emphasizing the damage that might result from an impasse
- making unilateral concessions (that come at little risk or cost for your side but will provide great benefits to your 'opponent's') that will show you come in good faith
- explaining your demands, which I understand as be clear and open your position and interests
- maximizing joint profit, which to me means aiming at integrative and not distributive bargaining.
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